Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
