This girl is more easily done than said...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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