He disabled his match.com account in front of me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My bed smells like the plague
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
