He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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