She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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