The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
