Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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