He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
