Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize