i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize