I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I love having hate sex.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
