another moral hangover. fuck.
i think my mom watched the whole time
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Michael Bay diarrhea
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize