oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
