Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
