He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
