mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
