can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
