just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
