Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
