I don't think brook has ever known best
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
