I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
