once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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