she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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