Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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