So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
