you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
