So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
