Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
