plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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