Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
