do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
