you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
