you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
