.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
