I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize