So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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