that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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