Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
