ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
