so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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