We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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