the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
