Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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