Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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