I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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