just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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