You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
