your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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