I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
