I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize