4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
