You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
