my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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