the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
