Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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