yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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