i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
