I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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