last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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