i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
