Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
