thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize