I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
