at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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