Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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