you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
