She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
