I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
