Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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