tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They took my balls.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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