No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize