Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
