He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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