that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
