I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
