yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
