:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
