I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
