$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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