I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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