i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
