I am in a vortex of obligation.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
