There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
