My friends, they love my intelligence
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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