saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
